Creating Healthy Connections

When we are living a life that reflects our core values and are moving with ease through the day, we can’t help but bring other people into our lives. When we find our own rhythm, we connect to the rhythms of others. The most amazing thing about the rhythm of connection is that it reminds us that we are not alone. It allows us to be with, to learn from and to teach others.

As miraculous as this connection may be, it also presents certain challenges. How can we stay true to our own rhythm and also allow for the rhythms of others? How can we maintain autonomy and control of our own lives while we seek out community and connection?

Here are 12 suggestions for facilitating the rhythm of connection:

1. Learn to negotiate skillfully. Speak your mind and let others do so as well. Find win/win solutions.
2. Value uniqueness and diversity. An orchestra finds its beauty in simultaneously playing different notes on different instruments.
3. Practice being true rather than being right. The notion of right in relationships is often not helpful because it implicitly means that someone else is wrong.
4. Find common ground. You and your neighbors, spouse, friends (even enemies) have more in common than you might imagine.
5. Listen and empathize. Remember to be respectful of others.
6. Learn to gracefully say hello and goodbye. Every relationship has both a beginning and an end.
7. Let go of the illusion of control. Much of our lives is out of our hands.
8. Develop connections in day-to-day moments. Say hello to your neighbors, smile at babies and take time to ask people how they are.
9. Look for communities, work places and friends that respect and make room for your values.
10. Nurture relationships. The majority of people that you come in contact with are people you will see many times. What may feel right in the moment may not be the best long-term strategy.
11. Wait until the heat of anger has subsided before having a conversation, argument or discussion. Try not to say things that you don’t really mean.
12. Practice acceptance and forgiveness. None of us is perfect. When you are in error – as all of us are from time to time – apologize and learn humility.

None of these ideas are new. Yet they all come alive again and again as we make them part of our lives. In Oriental Medicine, the summer is the season of the heart and the corresponding emotion is joy. As you go through the next few warm weather months, remember the heart, feel the joy and practice the rhythm of connection.

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